Trust the voice within...

This summer was the summer that I thought would change the rest of my life, and it did....for awhile. Before the summer I guess I had been somewhat lost or better yet an unfinished puzzle. I often pretended like I knew who I was but deep down I was lost, unsure, and hated myself. (Now I am not going to get too into that because honestly it's none of your business). I became undeniably focused on my social life and payed very little attention to my education. This resulted in my grades quickly falling, a lying whirlwhind, and infinite fights with my parents. Now granted when I say social life, in no means am I referring to partying or anything of that nature. My social life consisted of hanging out with the same 3 people every weekend. Then, our definition of fun was driving around in my friend's red GTP Grand Prix named none other than...the great Shay Shay. At the beginning I saw this whole scheme as fun and worth the lying and the huge rift that I had created between my parents and I. But as time passed I became tired of the same routine every weekend. I became angrier, more bitter, less confident, and so much more all resulting in me being generaly unpleasent to be around. This is when I truly began to hate myself. I lied to virtually everybody in my life (parents, friends, teachers), I "borrowed" money from my sister, I didn't try at school, I hurt the people I cared about the most. But most of all I told myself that what I was doing was ok...IT WASN'T (obviously)
Eventually, I couldn't stand what I was doing with my life and I began my "restoration". At first, I thought I would just take a small brake by reading some books my friend Katie had let me borrow. Little did I know that these books would change so much of what I knew as my life. The books brought on emotions that I didn't think I had. I suddenly saw life very differently and this is when I really began to change. I began spending most of my free time at home, by myself. During that time I learned alot about myself and that I didn't have to be the monster I thought I was. I made running one of my daily hobbies, stopped lying to my parents, ate healthier, and found the true meaning of music. My life was finally turned around and in the right direction. Now I would be lying if I said if my life was how I wanted to be, but it was pretty good. During this time I saw many of my previous friendships very differently and I drew away from 2 of my closet friends. I don't regret what happened there but I do regret hurting 2 of the people I care about the most for selfish reasons. I looked at the situation in which I had to heal myself before I could carry the weight of esablished relationships. The rift grew so large that I lost contact with the people i once called best friends.
A little while later, summer ended and school began. I came back as a new person. School was my main focus, I had a new best friend, I had a new state of mind, my relationship with my parents was improving, and I had confidence. My puzzle was finally coming together but a few pieces were still missing. Eventually, I realized that the key to the life I wanted was in my hands but directed by someone else, God. As my dad once said, it's like your hands are on the steering wheel and you are in control but God is the backseat driver. I knew he was there telling me what to do, but I was left with the decision to listen or ignore it...so I decided to listen. During the 3 month period I decided to listen I was a very different person but now I find myslef ignoring that voice more and more everyday. This brings me to the long awaited reason for the post of this blog. I have forgotten, wait!!!!! I HAVE CHOSEN not to listen to the voice within and look where it has gotten me...ughhhhhhhhhhh time to turn things around....again but I know that with will power and the guidance from God I CAN and WILL change and begin to the trust the voice within once again.

then you will find the strength that will guide your way